I don't belong here

A myriad of broken hearted islands all feeding false hope to their inhabitants, hopes of a brighter future. Whichever boat I board, there is a leak, all boats are destined to sink, all clouds are destined to burst, all that's left is pointless, meaningless and I am left with this black unquenchable thirst.  Paperwork, bureaucracy, rules with no real reasoned foundation, habitual, repetitive, states of grey hypnosis, boredom.  I'de like to use the word bleeding but the image of blood would be too exciting and might lead you to falsely assume that there was something soulful being expressed.  Life is strangled by refashioned paperclips and drowned in expectation.  When one is not one or the other one is deemed to be 'nothing', 'non-existent', one is brushed to the side and forgotten by eyes.  As I write these words they have already died, I know that they will never really be heard, (Words already dead before birth, unacknowledged and permanently deferred) What is it really like to be visible?  To be a player in this god awful game.  Money & Capitalism makes us all refugee's, forced to leave our hearts we take refuge in chocolate and gambling, sex and TV, we are forced, we are all forced.  I am not free.  Not free of this rhythm, not free of this monotonous rhyme, not free of this clock which ticks loudly and reminds me of how I am bound by time.  Release me from these shackles, liberate me of this pain, burn my body and scatter my ashes whilst praying that I am never returned here again.  For I am one piece of a large unfinished puzzle of which there are infinite pieces and I do not fit, I have no neighbours to help me expose a clearer image of it, no friends to usher me forth, no loving father to point me north.  I wear this beard in honor of all those swallowed by the dark, I hark these words with no hope of being heard. I know that all I can do is wait. I know that I have to wait here forgotten until maybe I am remembered with no guarentee that this time will come.  No roles to hide behind and nowhere at all to run.  So I will lie here in this hole, heavy and placid, if you find me here please cover me with dirt, don't dare wake me, at least let my eternal slumber be unbroken..

 


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