Many of us have a tendency to take up the position of the one to be there for the other person. The giver. We naturally take up this giving position, which communicates at the unconscious level to the other person that we are totally self-sufficient and we don't need anything from them.  Of course from this position the other is going to expect a lot from us because we set ourselves up as not needing anything from them from the very start and of course the relationship will not last because playing someone's parent and refusing to receive something from the other and take the risk of being hurt by them is totally unsustainable.

Growing up means being ready to be hurt by the other and giving up some of our self-sufficiency. Total self-sufficiency is a psychobiological survival mechanism we learn through trauma. The giver is a very powerful position. Balance in relationship happens when we take the risk of needing something from the other. We have to learn how to be a little less self sufficient. We parent our own inner children but the adult man in me needs something from adult woman in you. The adult woman in you needs something from the adult man in me. Curiosity and a willingness to share openly must be relatively mutual otherwise it becomes more like a parent-child relationship and they are not sustainable if you are into spiritual growth.

We can not grow spiritually if we are unwilling to be vulnerable in relationship. The idea that this is possible is a spiritual bypass. Conscious relationship is not about being totally detached. Honesty about our limits and edges is fundamental for the cultivation of healthy relationships.