7 Years ago I saw a video of a Butoh dancer Atsushi Takenouchi who travelled the world dancing in extreme environments and conditions. I recognized the growth potential in this act and was inspired by this dancers deep passion for both dance and the extremities of life and death. In one of the photographs of his travels I saw him dancing half naked in Auschwitz Concentration Camp in Poland. This moved me so deeply that I set out towards Poland within a week to dance at Auschwitz. At the time I was dating a Polish girl who was actually from a nearby city to Auschwitz, Częstochowa. I only had 48-hours to visit before I had to fly to India via Turkey. I ended up going out and realizing the amazing beauty of Polish Vodka and abhorrent next day of the Polish hangover. So I never made it there. I know, hilarious. Life is sometimes like this.
More recently I have trained in Systemic Ritual which works a lot with and inside collective trauma fields.
The book 'Tears Of The Ancestors' By my teacher Daan Van Kampenhout offers a first chapter about being in Auschwitz on a retreat bearing witness to the darkness of the place in service of healing and expanding awareness. Daan claims that for him being there brought him to a feeling of such great space within, that he had never experienced with any spiritual practice he had encountered. This was inspiration enough for me to get kicked into action again. For growing in awareness of heart is my life's mission and purpose, for me there is nothing more important.
Whilst in an Osho Presence of Heart retreat in Denmark I read this chapter about Auschwitz and being that I had 5 days free after the retreat and my car with me, I decided to use the retreat to prepare my soul for being in Auschwitz. On making this decision, I had several (what could be described as) past life memories rise up for healing around being in Auschwitz. The details of which I will not share here, it is still very fresh and needs space to shift privately. Half the retreat I spent stuck frozen behind a steel door that was impossible to open. Not an easy experience. One truth that was coming through strongly in this preparation period was that I am not alone, that this journey does not have to be taken alone. This was when I decided to put a message out to my mailing list and create a facebook event and BLOG, so we all journey there together.
Many people might ask themselves. Why would I go to a place where such horror and misery has occurred? What possible good can come of it? Shouldn't we just leave the past in the past and forget about these horrible things?
I will tell you why I went. I believe that the difficult frequencies of trauma resonance that might be left over in places where great tragedy has occurred offer us great opportunity to grow and expand with much greater force into the light, into the essence of truth, wisdom and universal being. I am a light worker and it is my work to move towards difficulty with compassionate awareness, in this movement I grow and those I move towards are also helped in some way, though not because I intend it, only because it is so. True help is never given, it happens.
Whilst I was on this journey, this blog was my lifeline, here I shared most of what happened for me. Feeling, impressions, experiences, poems and whatever else rose up out of the experience. I really appreciated that people read my posts and left comments in response, even opening conversations with me, it felt like I had a circle of support in this journey and that we were all connecting to the experience in some way. I trust this movement we made together brought healing and peace to us and our ancestors. For these collective traumas touched a whole generation of all nations and religions, that we are all connected to and can learn from. In some way we are all Jewish, we are all Nazi and we are all everything in between.