It is 1:30am and I am 9km from the front gate of Auschwitz according to maps on my phone, although for the past 6 hours my phone has been freezing up every 10 minutes so I could be right on top of Auschwitz and wouldn't realize it. I am feeling very tired from driving the whole day, the only thing keeping me awake is the contracted tension in the pit of my stomach as I near my destination, my breath is shorter than usual and I now know what it might be like to feel like I am about to have a panic attack, (about to, I don't actually have one!) I arrive at 2am and spend some time driving slowly around the surrounding streets looking in on the eery old buildings. This one in the photo spooks me out a bit and so I scuttle off in the direction of the 24hr car park to bed down for the night. I have a german 6hr study tour booked at 9am, no I don't speak German but I was afraid of booking nothing and being told I can't come in so I booked it anyway! I am particularly anal about where I park as the car park is right opposite Auschwitz I and I have a feeling in some spots the energy isn't feeling good, to be honest I feel a bit spooked out arriving at this time when everything is deserted!!! I am also a little suprised at how calm I start feeling in this place as I bed down to sleep..
On waking up at 10am I drive over to the museum car park and find out from a jovial ticket seller that there is an English tour starting soon and if I would like to be alone inside the whole day I just have to come before 10am every day!
I write this as I sit under a tree meditating, waiting for the tour to start
The light is breaking through here, pouring through this massive opening created so many years ago now. There is an openness and spaciousness in this field that is indescribable. I feel I can breathe hear deeper than ever before, that somehow my breath has less limits than normal. My heart feels open and absorbant, I feel a softness in my hands. I am sitting under a tree waiting for the tour to start.
Already before entering fully I feel crystal clearly that those who died here are at peace now. Only in the minds of their descendants does the pain and suffering continue, but here at the source of all Jewish Suffering and German Shame, in this place where people of many nations died violently, all are now at peace. All lie here together in this place, as one. There is no war, no sides and no injustice. There is only light now. We have a choice now. Whether to carry the light forward in honor of all those who struggled and suffered here or we can continue living this struggle and suffering out of some deeper sense of loyalty to what they experienced here.
I choose light!!!!
Here in Auschwitz II I found the TREE OF LIFE. Life is here. These walls and monuments are crumbling and along with them crumbles that past and all those who died here are in light now. They died so we could live. Their sacrifice teaches us to Embrace life fully and live entirely in this moment right now, not 73 years ago and not tomorrow, RIGHT NOW!!!
Today I feel like I established a strong light connection, got an initial lay of the land and an initial sense of both the trauma layers of the field and the light vortex in this place and both are VERY strong. I intend not to lose myself in the pain here. I intend to stay connected with the light of this place and the light within myself and remain open to what wants to dissolve into it. Tomorrow I will carry the names and prayers of all those who are with me on this journey through the place and offer them to the light vortex. I already know they are at peace but this is not for them, this is for you, their descendants, you are the ones not at peace with what happened. Your grandparents, great grandparents, where-ever they were during WW2 are at peace now, I carry them and that peace in my heart here and I hope that this in some way helps you to realize that peace in your own hearts.
I did plan to be inside the whole day however after 4 hours on a tour, skimming over copious amounts of information about the injustice, dates and everything that happened, I felt full up and exhausted. I almost cried 4 times so far and each time have stopped myself as I know once I start I will drop very deep and I am pacing myself slowly. So I decided to take care of myself and return for a full day of meditation, prayer and presence tomorrow. Today 4 hours was enough. Slow is fast, as they say!!! The following blogs will contain more depth of material both personally from me and in terms of information about what I learn. One of the things we have to learn is being present with the details of great injustice without following the inner impulse to seek justice, with a willingness to be present with both the pain of the past and the light of the present moment we can move mountains and a new era of peace will be upon us!
It might seem crazy but this place is teaching me how to really LIVE.
ANU IS FEELING OPEN TO LIFE & LOOKING FORWARD TO ENTERING DEEPER INTO THIS JOURNEY TOMORROW. THANK YOU FOR COMING WITH ME.