Last night I worked out which part of the 24hr car park opposite Auschwitz I had the best shadow in early mornings, so I awoke several times this morning feeling very pleased with the cool temperature and lazily dozed back off into a haze of sleep. Last night I parked my car on the pavement outside a restaurant I had used earlier in the day, they had WIFI and I was desperate to finish watching the amazing movie 'The Free State Of Jones'! If I was alive here 73 years ago they certainly would have gassed me for being a gypsy. So late night and late morning today. After taking a 4euro shower and feeling a bit sick with the heat around 11am I walked 3km along the old railway tracks towards Birkenau/Auschwitz II, making the same journey those going to the Gas Chambers would have taken.. I tried to imagine what it would have been like crammed into an overcrowded railway car without light, water or air, in the heat, the smell of fresh excrement and the despairing whimpers of scared Jewish children ringing in my ears but with the sun so bright, the air so fresh and time plentiful to breathe without stress I could only really make contact with small flashes of empathic resonance with that difficult reality from 72 years ago...
When entering Birkenau camp II, I am always amazed and in awe of the size of the space, so much space between buildings, fences and pathways, everywhere space..As I walked in my legs begun carrying me to the far right of the camp, an area that according to the sign several of the buildings used to house the many sick people in the camp. These buildings all look the same, in this part of the camp they are made of wood, in other parts of the camp they are made from old bricks that were taken from the village houses that were here before the Nazi's knocked them down and destroyed the village to make the camp, they are like large barns, the floor is just dirt and there are some concrete basins where it looks like people used to shit, the center of the buildings always have 2 large brick chimneys in the middle. I walked into the first building and could immediately feel a strong resonance of sickness in the field, old frequencies lingering around here. I didn't feel like getting involved so I came out just a few minutes after briefly considering meditating there. I walked another 200m along the dirt pathway past another building and was just about to walk past the 3rd building but my feet started walking me into it, I allowed my feet to guide me into the space. As soon as I stepped into this building I was approached by a large posse of tortured souls who had not found release from their sickness even through death, something of them was still lingering here. I pushed most of them back to make space for any genuine connections with any of them. I immediately felt connection with someone named David and someone else named Michael, they took my hands, I asked them to hold onto me gently and not to squeeze too hard as sometimes entities can get a bit clingy. We all understood easily why I was there, they were ready to leave that place, I lovingly encouraged them out of the hut and walked with them back towards the front gate, on the way I picked up a stone and asked them to sit on the stone, that I would throw the stone into the forest outside the camp and then they would know that its time to leave this realm of the living completely. They were both very thankful, I told them if I was in their position I am sure they would have helped me the same, they smiled, of course I couldn't see that but I felt it, I felt a brotherhood with them like I have not felt before, I felt deeply touched by their gratitude. I walked the tracks away from the camp whilst singing a spontaneous shamanic riff for a few moments, threw the stone into the woods and felt them leaving into lightness. I decided not to go back to the sick section as I had enough of helping the dead for the time being, I didn't want to over do it. I returned along the tracks and this time walked the tracks all the way into the center of the camp where people would have been offloaded before being walked to the Gas Chambers. I walked from here all the way to the Gas Chamber twice. Chanting and praying.
~ Prayers are already answered before they are spoken ~
The beauty and the grace of God Kaddish,
(sometimes repeating many times)
The beauty and the grace of Angels Kaddish,
The beauty and the grace of Azrael Kaddish.
I am the beauty and the grace of God Kaddish.
When sitting next to one of the main old Gas Chambers now destroyed I chanted:
My eyes are open,
Praise God and welcome the light,
My heart is open,
Praise God and welcome the light,
My mind is open,
Praise God and welcome the light,
My hands are open,
Praise God and welcome the light.
The light vortex is open to you all,
Any residue of suffering is dissolving into it now,
You are all so welcome in the light, so welcome....
I found some woods behind the Gas Chambers,
Here I sat for some time, Here I danced from some time,
Here I wondered about my life for some time.
Then the day began to sing its song of goodbye..
As I walked away from Birkenau today the sun was beginning to set,
Much had been churned inside of me and it felt as if the hazy warm heat of the setting sun was ushering me from the space back to my car, "Enough for today" said the sun! When I got back to my car 30 minutes later I drove across the car park and watched as the beautiful oranges of a dying day splayed its love all over the sky, how could I avert my eyes?
For one of the first times in my whole life I watched an entire 10 minutes of the sun dying. I remembered something I had seen on you tube, someone said there are few things that are impossible, one of them is not feeling moved by a sunset when one pays enough attention to it.
I am finding that 4-5 hours in any of the 2 camps per day is enough for me.
When I came out at 6:30pm this evening I felt exhausted, maybe it was the sun beating on my head like a drum for half the day? Maybe it was psychic tiredness? Not sure. I feel both full and tired, however I am not ready to leave here yet. I feel there is 1 day left, tomorrow will be the day of light, that is the intention anyway :-) Poetry from the light, writing from the light, LIGHT
I am really taking care of myself here, not getting too intense, I am well aware that being here physically alone makes entering into this field of energy too deeply a little risky, so I am being sure to go slowly. I look forward to taking the power I have found in this place into my heart and bringing it to others :-) One major gift I am taking from this field is 'a capacity to stay present, no matter what'. Thanks for listening. Much love!