The Beginning: Sharing my experience in Auschwitz

7 Years ago I saw a video of a Butoh dancer Atsushi Takenouchi who travelled the world dancing in extreme environments and conditions. I recognized the growth potential in this act and was inspired by this dancers deep passion for both dance and the extremities of life and death.  In one of the photographs of his travels I saw him dancing half naked in Auschwitz Concentration Camp in Poland.  This moved me so deeply that I set out towards Poland within a week to dance at Auschwitz.  At the time I was dating a Polish girl who was actually from a nearby city to Auschwitz, Częstochowa.  I only had 48-hours to visit before I had to fly to India via Turkey. I ended up going out and realizing the amazing beauty of Polish Vodka and abhorrent next day of the Polish hangover. So I never made it there. I know, hilarious.  Life is sometimes like this. 

More recently I have been training in Systemic Ritual which works a lot with collective trauma fields.  
The book 'Tears Of The Ancestors' By my teacher Daan Van Kampenhout offers a first chapter about being in Auschwitz on a retreat bearing witness to the darkness of the place in service of healing and expanding awareness. Daan claims that for him being there brought him to a feeling of such great space within, that he had never experienced with any spiritual practice he had encountered.  This was inspiration enough for me to get kicked into action again. 

Whilst in an Osho Presence of Heart retreat in Denmark I read this chapter about Auschwitz and being that I had 5 days free after the retreat and my car with me, I decided to use the retreat to prepare my soul for being in Auschwitz.  On making this decision, I had several (what could be described as) past life memories rise up for healing around being in Auschwitz. The details of which I will not share here, it is still very fresh and needs space to shift privately.  Half the retreat I spent stuck frozen behind a steel door that was impossible to open.  Not an easy experience.  One truth that was coming through strongly in this preparation period was that I am not alone, that this journey does not have to be taken alone.  This was when I decided to put a message out to my mailing list and create a facebook event and BLOG, so we all journey there together. 

Whilst I am in this journey, this blog is my lifeline, here I will share most of what happens for me. Feeling, impressions, experiences, poems? and whatever else rises up out of this experience.  I would really appreciate people reading my posts and leaving comments in response, even opening conversations with me, so it feels like I have a circle of support within this journey and that we are all connecting to this experience in some way.  May this movement we are partaking in together bring healing and peace to us and our ancestors. For these collective traumas touched a whole generation of all nations and religions, that we are all connected to and can learn from. In some way we are all Jewish, we are all Nazi and we are all everything in between. 

With Love and Blessings

9 comments

  • Jenny

    Jenny Islington London

    Dearest Anu, What can I say about your courage to embrace this opportunity and to be the vehicle for those of us who lived with ancestors and myself with a mother of the Nazi era. My mum a twin whose twin died in an incubator because of Hitler coming through Keil and all hospital staff had to salute him therefore mums twin died. Many many were lost through the English bombing the small towns. My mother herself had to endure a bomb going off whilst she was on the toilet at the age of 11, losing all of her class mates as she decided to play truant and not go on the outing to the seaside with all the school. All of her friends school friends were lost that day in the sea as the British bombed the small towns. So much loss throughout my German ancestry and to carry the burden of being born a German myself and part British and the burden I carry for those in Auschwitz and other concentration camps. I ask that you take with you the great lantern that you are to be courageous in being this beautiful vessel to heal and I give you my heart also to take with you for this wonderful movement to take place, a deep and such desperately important work for the future generations to be free of this burden whilst continuing to be awake to and care about and continue healing. I ask that you carry in your prayers for Ingrid (mutti's twin who died at 2 years old) Rosemarie Minna (My mother who you have a connection to already with the immense work we did together) She loved so deeply despite such losses and trauma's. I miss her so so much since she passed June 14 2014 Rita (Mutti's eldest sister who died 28 July 2012 Ursulla (Mutti's middle sister who died 3 May 2012 Anna Scheller (My Oma (Grandmother) a dear and beautiful soul who loved so deeply Max Scheller (My Opa (Grandfather) A stoic and incredible man who maintained the dignity of the schellers despite the horror and fearful time in which they lived) I loved him so deeply, I feel I have as did my mother many of his qualities and strengths. The family Bentines my great grandparents on my Oma's side. Norman Dale (My father who spent 26 years with my mum trying to help her with some of her trauma particularly concerning love, loyalty and betrayal until they split in 1985) Despite hostility and turbulence they loved each other. They remained friends at the end when he passed in 2009 and mum never ceased to love him as her true love. I thank you Anu, and am privileged to be alongside you on this incredible journey. You are very much connected Much love always Jenny xxxxx I ask Anu for you to take those of my family with you

    Dearest Anu,
    What can I say about your courage to embrace this opportunity and to be the vehicle for those of us who lived with ancestors and myself with a mother of the Nazi era. My mum a twin whose twin died in an incubator because of Hitler coming through Keil and all hospital staff had to salute him therefore mums twin died. Many many were lost through the English bombing the small towns. My mother herself had to endure a bomb going off whilst she was on the toilet at the age of 11, losing all of her class mates as she decided to play truant and not go on the outing to the seaside with all the school. All of her friends school friends were lost that day in the sea as the British bombed the small towns. So much loss throughout my German ancestry and to carry the burden of being born a German myself and part British and the burden I carry for those in Auschwitz and other concentration camps.
    I ask that you take with you the great lantern that you are to be courageous in being this beautiful vessel to heal and I give you my heart also to take with you for this wonderful movement to take place, a deep and such desperately important work for the future generations to be free of this burden whilst continuing to be awake to and care about and continue healing.

    I ask that you carry in your prayers for
    Ingrid (mutti's twin who died at 2 years old)
    Rosemarie Minna (My mother who you have a connection to already with the immense work we did together) She loved so deeply despite such losses and trauma's. I miss her so so much since she passed June 14 2014
    Rita (Mutti's eldest sister who died 28 July 2012
    Ursulla (Mutti's middle sister who died 3 May 2012
    Anna Scheller (My Oma (Grandmother) a dear and beautiful soul who loved so deeply
    Max Scheller (My Opa (Grandfather) A stoic and incredible man who maintained the dignity of the schellers despite the horror and fearful time in which they lived) I loved him so deeply, I feel I have as did my mother many of his qualities and strengths.
    The family Bentines my great grandparents on my Oma's side.
    Norman Dale (My father who spent 26 years with my mum trying to help her with some of her trauma particularly concerning love, loyalty and betrayal
    until they split in 1985) Despite hostility and turbulence they loved each other. They remained friends at the end when he passed in 2009 and mum never ceased to love him as her true love.

    I thank you Anu, and am privileged to be alongside you on this incredible journey. You are very much connected
    Much love always Jenny xxxxx

    I ask Anu for you to take those of my family with you

  • Blake Steele

    Blake Steele Sweden

    Here...

    Here...

  • Maria Barnicoat

    Maria Barnicoat Jersey

    My heart is moved by the enormity of the journey and the courage you have within you to do this. Remember always your innate courage that you have whilst shining light on the shadows. I will follow your steps in heartspace. Thank you.

    My heart is moved by the enormity of the journey and the courage you have within you to do this. Remember always your innate courage that you have whilst shining light on the shadows. I will follow your steps in heartspace. Thank you.

  • Michael

    Michael Berlin

    Connect yourself with the light, Anu. Even the darkest darkness is merely absence of light.

    Connect yourself with the light, Anu. Even the darkest darkness is merely absence of light.

  • Anu Azrael

    Anu Azrael

    Thank you all for being here! I have never been to a place so filled with light EVER as this place. Blogging now x

    Thank you all for being here! I have never been to a place so filled with light EVER as this place. Blogging now x

  • Jenny

    Jenny Islington

    Thank you Anu for helping me to feel at peace with that what you have described and the beautiful ways in which you are holding the light for life. Thank you you are so very blessed and I am so grateful to know you and be a part of this amazing journey with you. Love always Jenny xx

    Thank you Anu for helping me to feel at peace with that what you have described and the beautiful ways in which you are holding the light for life. Thank you you are so very blessed and I am so grateful to know you and be a part of this amazing journey with you. Love always Jenny xx

  • Lisa

    Lisa London

    Amazing Anu!! Thank you for sharing, I do feel I have been there with you xx Here is a poem I love http://m.poemhunter.com/poem/death-fugue/ Would like to share some pics too but not sure how??? Xxx

    Amazing Anu!! Thank you for sharing, I do feel I have been there with you xx

    Here is a poem I love

    http://m.poemhunter.com/poem/death-fugue/

    Would like to share some pics too but not sure how???

    Xxx

  • Hagit

    Hagit The Netherlands

    What a journey Anu, what you do is a dream of mine... I am not there yet as so much pain is still existing in me from my ancestors who died in Poland at ww2. I am glad after a while you stopped taking pictures... for me it was very hard to watch. My grandpa, grandma (who managed to run away to Russia) and her bother ( who lost his wife and 2 young children and survived Aushwitz) were the only survivors of their whole family. I grew up with horror stories and watching the shame and guilt at my grandma's eyes as she always wondered why she survived and the rest didn't. She never thought she was worthy and she carried it till her grave and unconsciously passed it on to my dad...who committed suicide 5 years ago. Once I became a mother I took a conscious choice that the suffering ended there. That I will not pass the victim part forward. That I can change my energetic dna and so I did. Dancing was and still is a great part of my healing. So I thank you for your courage to face the energies there and that you realized the souls are at peace. I received this message as well a few times in my dancing journeys. Love, Hagit

    What a journey Anu, what you do is a dream of mine... I am not there yet as so much pain is still existing in me from my ancestors who died in Poland at ww2. I am glad after a while you stopped taking pictures... for me it was very hard to watch. My grandpa, grandma (who managed to run away to Russia) and her bother ( who lost his wife and 2 young children and survived Aushwitz) were the only survivors of their whole family. I grew up with horror stories and watching the shame and guilt at my grandma's eyes as she always wondered why she survived and the rest didn't. She never thought she was worthy and she carried it till her grave and unconsciously passed it on to my dad...who committed suicide 5 years ago. Once I became a mother I took a conscious choice that the suffering ended there. That I will not pass the victim part forward. That I can change my energetic dna and so I did. Dancing was and still is a great part of my healing. So I thank you for your courage to face the energies there and that you realized the souls are at peace. I received this message as well a few times in my dancing journeys. Love, Hagit

  • Anu Azrael

    Anu Azrael

    Thank you everyone for your support and open sharing <3 Love to all

    Thank you everyone for your support and open sharing <3 Love to all

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